As my fourth month of Ketogenic living comes to a close, I unfortunately have no amazing (scale) progress to report for this month, and I know exactly why. I fell off the wagon a little bit the week before Mother's Day, and then spent the rest of May getting back on track.
I got frustrated at the beginning of the month because, for whatever reason, my urine ketone strips weren't showing that I was in ketosis. I later learned that this may have been for hormonal reasons, or may have been because my body was actively using all the ketones it was producing for energy and didn't have any to discard as waste. Ketone strips can only show what your body is discarding as excess, and if your body is using 100% of the ketones you're producing (which very well may be the case for me, considering all my other outstanding health issues that my ketones are having to compensate for) then your "pee strips" probably won't show ketosis. I know this now, but it was still frustrating at that point in the month - I tested three days in a row and each day's strip showed "negative" levels of ketones.
Mother's Day was four days away and our original plan was to get sushi and takeout and have a relaxing night in. Knowing that this meal was coming up, and knowing that I'd been dying for some sushi for several weeks (I think I'd choose sushi as my last meal, if it came down to it), I said "well, I'm not in ketosis anyway, why not just take a few days off to reset and I'll start back on keto on Monday." Doesn't sound like the absolute worst idea ever presented, but for me it kinda was. Here's the deal. As an ex-binge-eater, I thrive on strict dietary restrictions. Not just in terms of weight loss, but also mentally and behaviorally. I can do really well eating within certain boundaries, and it makes sense to my brain that certain things are off limits and certain things are fair game. When I throw away the boundaries, even for a set period of time, I tend to eat like a five year old who got given $100 and sent into a gas station to get snacks, unsupervised. Anyway, by the end of these four "off" days, I felt like absolute garbage and was EAGER to get back to eating eggs and meat again. My brain craved the predictability and the boundaries, and my body needed the nutrient-dense ketogenic diet it had gotten used to.
When I stepped on the scale that next Monday morning, I weighed in at 207.8 (up from 198) which really wasn't shocking. It stung, but it wasn't shocking. I got straight back on track and started going back to the gym every day. I was able to get rid of the "cheat" weight, but a week or so later, I pretty much had to accept that my progress for May was going to be a lost cause due to these cheat days. Worth it? NO. Here are some reasons why:
1. Nothing ever tastes as good as you think it will. When you've been following a certain way of eating for a while, your taste buds have evolved and changed. They aren't going to get excited over sugary, carby food. It just isn't the same anymore.
2. The water retention. I walked around looking about four months pregnant and feeling GROSS for several days. My digestive track was confused. My whole body was confused. It was as if it thought I was about to go into deep hibernation. It felt awful! And it took about 2.5 weeks of hard work to get rid of.
3. The metabolic response; If you are on a ketogenic diet, your body is used to running on fats and ketones. When you give it carbs and sugar, your metabolism goes "Oh finally, a break!" and stops working as hard. Ketones make your body put in the work of fat burning, sugars are quick, easy, cheap energy for your body. When you give your metabolism the opportunity to stop working as hard, more often than not, it'll take it, and it takes a while to talk it out of it.
4. The setback. I held on to that extra nine lbs for a little while, and had to kiss my hopes of weight loss in the month of May goodbye. There's seriously not anything that tastes good enough to justify that. Not sushi, not pizza, nothing. I am motivated and excited by my goals and when I sabotage myself, it's such a confusing thing to my brain. Like, I theoretically want one thing, but did another, so now what? Every month, I add to a calendar what I lost that month for my Instagram. It's a really fun way to see the progress add up over the course of a year. This month, my goal was -6 lbs, but instead it will be 0. Instead of getting closer to my goals this month, I tread water.
Now, I am not beating myself up or getting depressed over this, it is what it is. However, I will move forward with a fresh resolve to not get off course again. I worked off my excess weight and am ending the month at 199. I am setting new goals and allowing myself to get excited about the prospect of attaining them. One of my goals is to fit into a pair of denim shorts I bought at a 50% off sale at Old Navy. Right now, I am in a very comfortable (slightly loose) 14. Since I like my pants to fit a little bit loose (I have never been a person who is comfortable in tight pants or shorts, no matter what size I am) this is ideal for me. The other day I was shopping and found a pair of cute, patriotic denim shorts at old navy, and all of their shorts were 50% off. Since the last pair of denim shorts I bought were a 16 from torrid and fall off of me now, I decided to grab a plain pair of size 14's for now, and the patriotic pair in a size 12, and make it my goal to be able to wear them by the 4th of July. Here's how they fit currently 😂
As you can see, they're tight and do not button. I will have to work hard in June to be able to wear these in five weeks, but I think I can do it! What motivates me is knowing how exciting it will be to slide them on an have them fit, and know that I accomplished a big goal.
I also had some non-scale victories this month (NSV's for short). First, I had ordered some clothes online that I was really unsure if they'd fit. Most of my clothes in my closet are getting to look a bit ridiculous, they've been a little big for a while but are getting to the place where I look straight up frumpy because they're so big and ill fitting now. I was very unsure if any of them would fit me, becaue I ordered everything in a "large" instead of an XL, the size I've been wearing for a while. I was pretty sure that it would all be stuff I would have to work to fit into, and I didn't get my hopes up too high. Well, everything FIT when it showed up! And everything was so cute! I'm so excited to have clothes for summer. For budget reasons, I'm planning on not buying any more clothes for the family until this fall, when we go back to school shopping. I'm hoping at that point to have maybe gotten down to a size "medium!" Last, I finally found a bathing suit I liked. Bathing suit shopping can be SO disheartening, as fitting room lights and ill fitting suits tend to make me feel like I haven't lost any weight at all. I also have loose skin on my inner thighs, arms and back, and it's really hard to hide it. I finally just accepted that it is what it is, and found a swimsuit-shorts combo I was comfortable in so I wouldn't miss out on any memory-making opportunities with my kids. They don't care what Mom looks like in a bathing suit, they only care that Mom was willing to get in and play with them! The other things will fall into place later. Maybe someday I'll get the skin removed, maybe I won't. Maybe it'll tighten up as I go. Either way, life is happening now, and I don't want to miss it because I'm worrying about something as silly as skin. I already missed out on enough due to the extra weight that used to fill the skin up, I'm not going to miss out on any more. 😊
Current weight at the end of May: 199
Goal weight for end of June: 190
Other goals for June: Fit in size 12 shorts by 4th of July! Also, no cheat days!
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