My Reason "Why"

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you started."

I have discussed my issues with chronic illness here before, but for those of you who don't know, I have suffered from Hashimotos Thyroiditis, Hypothyroidism, PCOS and adrenal fatigue for about 7 years. After my son was born in 2011, my health just plummeted, and I became extremely ill. My immune system shut down, letting in an infectious blood virus, and a bad case of mono. Soon after, my digestive health and functioning went out the window, and I started suffering from bad bouts of IBS three or four times a week. This was a vicious cycle: I was already in the habit of binge eating junk food, and I had a particular love for carbs and sugar. Then, my Doctor poorly advised me to eat a high carb diet to get my stomach issues under control. This sounded like a best case scenario to me: little did I know, it was going to be the start of years and years full of chronic illness.

Before getting pregnant with my son, I was depressed (suffering from postpartum depression and anxiety from my firstborn, as well as the stress from my personal life) and began binge eating. I have always had a sweet tooth and a tendency to over eat, that wasn't new. But, being newly married, a new mom (I was eight months pregnant when I got married) and alone the majority of the day led me to an entirely different, highly toxic and detrimental relationship with food. Getting unexpectedly pregnant with my son when my firstborn was ten months old temporarily postponed my downward spiral, but only for a little while. After he was born, my issues with food only got worse, and then so did my health. It's taken me a while to see it clearly, but now I can see food as the root cause of all of my health problems.

What I didn't realize years ago was that gluten intolerance and thyroid disease are very close friends. I am not educated enough to thoroughly explain the science behind it, but basically, thyroid dysfunction alters your body's ability to properly process gluten. So, even if you don't have markers for proper "celiac disease," you probably have the symptoms. What does this mean? Well, it means that your gut health will suffer. Gluten is a protein found in wheat products. It can be harmless in small doses for otherwise healthy people, however, when your thyroid isn't functioning properly, it can't process it properly. Gluten is also highly abrasive to one's intestinal lining, which leads to "leaky gut." What is leaky gut? Well, essentially, it is the end result of the wearing down of ones intestinal lining, meaning holes in your guts, meaning waste can literally escape your guts and leak into your body. Disgusting? Yup. Well, your body being the defensive, protective machine that it is, fires out antibodies to deal with these dirty intruders, and it's understandable that it eventually becomes confused. More antibodies firing at will = more chronic inflammation. More chronic inflammation = more chronic illness.

Next, but definitely not less important, at the root cause of my illness is my relationship with sugar. I love it. It is probably the most toxic, codependent relationship I've ever been in though - I have lived periods of my life completely dependent on a thing that would happily watch me die a slow, painful death. No, I'm not exaggerating. Our bodies were built to metabolize certain things. If you think about the original setup for humanity - Adam and Eve in the garden, what did they originally have to eat? Organic, antibiotic free fruits and vegetables. This was the perfect setup. This was a diet that was designed by the one who carefully, articulately designed their body and all of it's mechanics. They couldn't go to the store and buy a box of easy mac or rice a roni when they needed a quick fix, and they didn't need to. Later, they were given meat, which is safe to assume was also organic, antibiotic-free, pasture raised, grass fed meat. Again, perfect setup. When you think about the macronutrients humans need to thrive, this is what it means. Fruit, vegetables, meat, nuts, oils. Anything that grows on or walks on the earth. However, we've warped the fictitious and highly exaggerated "need for carbs" into an excuse to eat whole grains (most of which are loaded with sugar and only contain a trivial amount of dietary fiber), packed food (containing chemicals our body's don't recognize), and processed sugar (which has brought most of us to a place of addiction and glucose intolerance). The fact of the matter is, our bodies were designed to eat food - not food-like-products made in a factory. What did this mean for me personally? Well, it meant that I was setting my body up for failure in more ways than one.

First off, people can develop a glucose intolerance problem and experience symptoms of diabetes YEARS before their blood tests ever show markers for diabetes. Why? Because your body loves you and will work really, really hard to keep you functioning and healthy. That's the short answer, but several scientific studies have been done that prove that a surplus of sugar warps a person's ability to produce insulin and leptin, and can cause symptoms of diabetes for years before they are ever diagnosed. For years now, my mother in law has been suggesting that I may be diabetic, based off of the way I have crashed (hard) after a sugar or carb-filled meal. Once, I actually passed out on my Mom's couch for at least two hours after eating a poptart. That doesn't sound like a healthy metabolism that is thriving and able to swiftly handle sugar consumption, but, my blood panels have never shown markers for diabetes or even pre-diabetes.

Secondly, over-consuming sugar can actually be a huge contributor to depression and mental illness. When sugar is consumed, it lights up the pleasure centers in the brain. These are the same regions that light up when an addict gets a hit of his drug of choice or when a person falls in love or has sex: the experiences that raise our dopamine levels quickly. Not only does it light up our pleasure centers like a Christmas tree; but it also has been shown to be eight times more addictive than cocaine. So, we inadvertently become addicts to something way cheaper and more accessible than cocaine. Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen? It is! For some people it's quicker than others, but it is still a recipe for disaster. Take a person who is already prone to depression and binge eating (me), put her in a stressful situation where she is depressed, lonely, and has a pantry full of junk food, and you have an addict. Worse still is what follows; the brain becomes conditioned to being "lit up" all the time. That is all that feels good to it, the only thing that allows it to experience happiness or relaxation is this extreme spike in pleasure-hormones... As the addiction cycle continues, the depression (or other mental illness) worsens, and the dependency only becomes more severe.

Fast forward seven years and I am on several different prescription medications; a whopping 240 mg of armour thyroid (because the dang thing just refuses to work), two different supplements to increase thyroid production, and two different SSRI's because, not only am I still frequently depressed and exhausted, I have also lost control of my OCD tendencies. In addition, my lymph system has stopped functioning normally, and is unable to discern how to let go of excess water, so three times a week I also take a prescription water pill so I don't hold on to an extra 5-15 lbs of water. If I forget to take one of these in the morning, I will be an absolute mess by lunch time. I also take a collagen supplement because without it, my hair falls out in clumps.

You may be wondering how any of this is relevant to a blog about my keto diet. Well, the point is, that I believe I can alleviate much of my suffering related to chronic illness by changing my diet, cutting out sugar, gluten, and processed food - it's not simply about weight loss. Rather, weight loss is a symptom of my health coming back into order again. I am attempting to undo the messy, tangled web of illness caused by nutritional mishaps. I have educated myself on what is needed to restore my health, and I am working hard on it every day. 

It's no surprise that when I first decided to cut out sugar, my mood and mental functioning absolutely plummeted until I became fat-adapted. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I lost my mind for a couple of months. Sugar is a cheap, quick "fix" for an addicted brain and mine was in need of a twelve step program. For me, keto has been my body's twelve step program. It's hard to say for sure which step I'm on now, because some days I feel like I'm still at the "admitting I have a problem" phase, even four months in. However, the foods consumed on a ketogenic diet are not only excellent for thyroid health, they are also optimal for gut and immune health as well. Did you know that 90% of seratonin is produced in the GUT? Not the brain, the gut. If your gut is not healthy (which mine hasn't been), your brain won't be either. 

Looking back, and knowing better, I can see the vicious cycle of food and illness that got me to the place I am today. Knowing what I know now, I would respond to any Doctor who told me to "eat more bread and rice and less fat" with a "LOL, nope..." and go find myself a new Doctor. Now I can see that my GI distress in 2012 was my body's way of waving a huge red flag, begging me to do something different. We live and we learn. On the days when I feel like giving up, and all I can imagine enjoying eating is a huge pizza with a side of breadsticks, I remember my "why." Even if it takes another seven years to hit the "reset" button, I am doing this to be happier and healthier, and to me, it's worth it.