"You Were Beautiful Before"

Today I am going to briefly address some things that gets said to me, and others on a weight loss journey, A LOT. I will first say, I think these comments are mostly always made by well-meaning people. People that aren't trying to be critical, but encouraging in their own ways and I genuinely do appreciate when any person stops by one of my social media pages to say something nice. However, sometimes, these well-intentioned comments can be unhelpful and even a bit discouraging. I'll explain why.

"You were beautiful before" or, "you were always beautiful"

99% of the time, this comment gets left on a before-and-after type picture where I am showing the physical outcome of my weight loss at some point in my journey. Now, there's nothing blatantly wrong with this. When I hear this, I hear a person who wants me to know that I was beautiful, even when I was morbidly obese. And it is a very kind sentiment. But. There's a few things I've learned over the last few years that make me feel frustrated when I hear this type of thinking.

I've never been a "plus is equal" person. Now, before you scroll to the bottom to leave a scathing comment - hear me out. I've never been a person who felt the need to advocate that plus size and obese women were "just as beautiful" as smaller women. However, I've always been a "beauty is not, and never will be, the most important or valuable thing about a person," person. It took me a while to identify this belief in myself and to put it into words. But a few years ago, when I was thinking about the self-esteem impression I would want to make on my daughter, I had to think, "do I want to communicate that it's OK to look any way, because you are still beautiful" OR, do I want to convey "it's OK to look the way that you do because you are a valuable, worthy, incredible person in spite of it"? My children are beautiful, worthy, valuable, irreplaceable, important, loved and treasured because of who they are, not because of who they look. How does this relate? Because I understand that we, as adults, are the same way. Our identity should start and end with the fact that we are made in the image of God. Everything else is just happenstance, and it's significance pales in comparison. So, do I want to teach my children that their physical appearance is just as good as everyone else's? No, not really. Because I don't think beauty is the most valuable thing about a person, and it never will be.

With that being said, you need to understand that "beautiful" never has been, and never will be the ultimate goal. There are physical benefits, for sure. I like how I look in pictures a lot more now. I think I look like "myself" a lot more than I did at 100 lbs overweight. My skin and hair has improved as I've made healthy choices. But I didn't start losing weight for this. I started losing weight because I was hideously uncomfortable, and there was a massive disconnect between my spirit and my physical self. I didn't recognize myself. I didn't even truly realize how much weight I'd gained because I had dissociated from my unhealthy body. I was in pain all the time. I sweat and ran out of breath doing simple tasks like loading my kids in their car seats. I couldn't keep up with my housework because I physically couldn't do the work. I was tired ALL THE TIME. I slept more than I was awake. I hated the way I looked with clothes and without. I hated the way I felt. I hated the way I felt anxious and depressed all the time and the diet I was eating was feeding my mental illness cycle like propane on a raging fire. And when I started losing weight, it was hard. Breaking my addiction to food was hard. Continuing to make good choices, half way to my ultimate goal, years later, is hard. Continuing to stay active when my comfort zone says "sit and do nothing" is hard. Continuing to take my medication and eat healthy food is hard. But I keep at it, because nothing I could ever put in my mouth would be worth going back to where I was before.

Comments like the one above are unhelpful because they reduce the work that I've done and the incredible obstacles I've had to overcome to get here, down to an issue of vanity. Was I physically beautiful before? Sure. I was beautiful when I was thin, I was beautiful when I was obese, and I am beautiful now, in the middle. But whether I was or was not, is irrelevant, because it's never been about that.

"It's not all about the scale"

Someone said this to me a couple weeks ago and I had trouble putting my finger on why it bugged me. I had posted a before and after picture of my Dad and I. In the before picture, I was at my heaviest weight, in a really bad place mentally, and miserable inside. In the after picture, taken on Father's Day, I was about 65 lbs lighter and a lot more stable mentally. I said something about being glad I had decided to take my life back. I didn't even mention the numerical amount of weight lost, actually. And someone reminded me to not get hung up on the scale.

Again, a well-intentioned person, being encouraging in their own way. Again, I'm not being critical, but it just didn't sit right with me.

First and foremost, "I know." I've talked at length on all of my social media about how this has been such a spiritual, mental and psychological process for me. How my weight gain was a reflection of a psychological crisis. How my binge eating habit was the result of a spiritual crisis. And, why it has been so important to me to honor my body by getting it healthy again.

At the end of the day, my identity in Christ is, and always will be, the most significant thing about myself. I have said that before, and it continues to be the reason why "beautiful" isn't the goal. However, I have felt deeply convicted about my eating habits over the past couple years and my compulsive tendency to self-medicate with food. I truly believe that I have been implored to get my physical self healthy again, because if Christ took the time to design my physical self, one that is unique to my soul - I better honor it. Grace makes diet and exercise secondary. Grace means that I have higher priorities than looking good in a bathing suit or fitting into jeans. Yet, grace is the reason to honor my physical body, every day that it'll give me, and for as long as it continues to be the shell for my soul. The turning point, five years ago, was realizing that food wasn't my friend and shouldn't be my comfort. I had given in to a tendency to make poor nutritional choices and allowed it to develop into a compulsive addiction. First, I had to overcome the binge eating disorder. I did so through a biblically-based recovery group. Then, I felt convicted to begin working on undoing the negative physical effects of my years of binge eating. I had become chronically ill, morbidly obese, and my mental health had taken a massive hit because of my eating habits. I started working to undo these things years ago, and am still working on it daily.

The scale will never be the most important thing, but it is a useful tool for measuring the effects of my hard work.


"Don't you realize that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you, and was given to you by God? You are not your own. Therefore, honor God with your body." - 1 Corinthians 6:19